I was thinking about dad-beards today. Don’t ask me why. My brain doesn’t make sense. But here’s what I was thinking.
- They’re terrible. Don’t grow one. Ever. Not even if you have a great reason (you know who you are)…because they still look silly. And, yes, food is getting stuck in there.
- I’m not cool enough to grow a beard. Seriously, I’ve tried. Not for want of a beard, but because some weeks I just don’t feel like shaving.
So maybe I’m a little jealous of you dad-bearders. I mean, even if it looks ridiculous, at least you had the option.
I got my haircut yesterday and the stylist asked if I was keeping my ‘burns’ (her term, not mine). I hesitated. I’ve had these sideburns for 19 years. Maybe it’s time for a change. But then I just couldn’t do it. Why? Because when was I was 16 I got a job at McDonald’s, and they forbid sideburns (long, thick, curly hair spilling out of your hat was fine; but nobody wants a sideburn hair in their burger!). Two years later, I left that job to go to college, and within a month I had a sweet pair of ‘burns’ I didn’t know I wanted in the first place. (It would have taken less time, but as I mentioned, my facial hair’s a bit on the slow side).
So to all you dad-bearders out there, I understand. And I’d probably have grown one too…if I could have. But think long and hard about whether or not you want to keep it, because 19 years from now, when a barber asks if you’re keeping the beard (right after he brushes a large piece of salami from last Wednesday’s lunch out of it), how would you want to answer?